Throughout my life I have experienced the awkward state of being misunderstood. You know that person who does or says something that causes the room to go silent, or faces to melt and contort with astonishment. These “odd duck” occurrences have shaped me as an individual.
As a child, I was told time and time again, I had not tact. I often just spoke, and at times I am sure, blurted out exactly what I thought in any given moment. Yes, I suffered with the expertise of “come backs.” Need-less-to-say, my mom worked diligently to correct my outspokenness. And it paid off as an adult. Plus it helps that I have an arsenal, a depot full of memories, in my underground bunker (better known as my soul) that remind me of the power of my explosive words. I call this special hidden vault “times I should have kept my mouth shut, but didn’t.”
I have come to realize that I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. My uniqueness sets me apart from normality. In a sense, if you stop and think about it, this is a good thing. From a Biblical standard, the Apostle Paul exhorts us “not to conform to the world”(Romans 2:2).
Too many times, I have spent countless hours trying to whittle away my rough corners to fit into the required standard of the round hole. As a result, many of my cornerstones have become nicked and chiseled over time. What I thought was softening and smoothing out rough edges to fit in, really means I am missing parts. I use to think, this was a good thing. Then I remembered, that God fashioned me together in my mother’s womb. He gave me my personality, temperament, gifts and talents to be used to advance His kingdom, by doing my part, completing my destiny in HIS overall plan. (Acknowledging this truth has been liberating.) No, this does not give me the right or privilege to say whatever I think, nor am I entitled to live however I choose fit. Contrarily, it opened the highway to discovery. Namely regarding the “who I am and why I am here,” and placed the huge responsibility of living my life God’s way, according to His Word, applying His standard designated just for me. I believe God gives each of us a measure of grace, a standard to live by - no two standards are identical, but they are uniquely individual as each of us. (For more on this, read Ephesians 4: 7 and see what you think) I am required to live my life according to the standard designed for me. With this new found understanding, I was to stop trying to be what everyone else thought I should be. I was not to yield to the standards of the world. Mostly, I was to refrain from trying to fit in, and to embrace the fact that I was different. I don’t fit in, and that’s okay.
All sounds wonderful, right. Well honestly, it much easier said than done. When God speaks and reveals truth to you, He means it! His word does not return void. Action is required. Purification is coming. Cleansing is inevitable! This has been an arduous journey, and it is far from over! It is a process of wonder and pain. Squeezing and pressing through the narrow gate of life hurts, the gate you must pass through is contracted by pressure, that is why few find it (Matthew 7: 13 &14).
With this revelation, came responsibility. God would do His part, but I was required to do mine as well. I had to cooperate with Him. This has proven to be a task, because I am not very patient, and I still ask too many questions. Anyway, it was necessary for me to become a student, a student of life. In essence, my thoughts and actions had to be schooled. I needed to be willing to be taught, I had to get down and dirty, wade among the muck and become bruised and battered. I had to throw in the towel of spontaneity, and learn to be content with silence and stillness. My risk taking mentality dissolved into weighing the cost and trouble-shooting decisions. I had to learn to sit at the feet of Christ, and be content just being there – doing NOTHING! I had to dig, search, and find the hidden treasures of daily living.
Now, I’ve gone way too deep to ever be comfortable with the surface. Superficial, artificial, stereotypical, are not good enough, I want the real thing! To achieve the mind of Christ, to receive understanding and Godly wisdom, you must “experience life.” To grow, you must be challenged. Life hurts and it isn’t fair. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t fit in, and that’s okay.
Currently on my daily walk, I see the picturesque allegory of mountain moving faith. Many people doubt that faith can move mountains. Me, I have beheld it. I know it is as true as holding and sensing the touch of my child’s hand in mine. 
