“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” - Margaret Mead I have experienced a few devastating betrayals, and I have made terrible, life-altering choices. The choices we make, dictate the life we lead.
“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.” –William Shakespeare
I have believed my share of lies, and I have worn a deceptive disguise, I have tried to be someone I am not. I have been a friend of darkness, yet I have received divine illumination. I have lived my days confused and loud, therefore, I now cherish the tranquil silence of the night. I have been gagged and lived in a self-imposed prison. I have been rescued from shame, healed of a broken heart and spared from death.I have lived parts of my life in the shadows of others. My individuality has been assimilated through relationships. I can relate to the wives of Lot and Noah, for I have often been identified as a possession: “oh, you are _________’s girlfriend,” “you are Bob’s daughter”, “you are Christopher’s mom” or, “you are Dr. Ray’s wife.” All of these exposures have contributed in the pursuit of the real me.
I have looked back on my life and I have humbly realized how blessed I am. Sure, it has not been an easy road, but I prefer the roadblocks, detours, the bumps and even the derailments I have taken. I have gained wisdom through costly experience. I received most of my education from the School of Hard Knocks. Would I like to go back and do it again? No, there is too much in front of me to go back. Reliving the past is not an option. I am pleased and satisfied with the woman I am, and the woman I am becoming. Believe me the pruning, molding and the shaping is not over! There is so much more to experience, learn and see before my earthly days are over. The more I learn, the less I know. I am hopeful that the next passageway of life will take me to new and faraway places. The here, there and everywhere are waiting for me. New sights, new sounds and new people! The journey will not be carefree, but free of care, for have lightened my load, I have less baggage to carry.
“Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”
Who am I? I am a diamond in the rough! I am being polished and shaped into a one-of-a- kind gem. I am a rare and costly wine, I have been grafted into the True Vine, and I am improving with age.
“Learn to ... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.” - Henri Frederic Amiel
I am a nurturer; I am the most content with a sleeping baby in my arms. Children bring out my true essence. I cherish all of the firsts: rolling over, words, crawling, steps, teeth and day of school. Riding a bike, reading, dating and driver’s license, graduations, birthdays, song solos, dance performances, soccer, baseball and football games and marriage proposals are all priceless treasures. Silly giggles, sloppy wet kisses, and goodnight hugs, storytelling and the endless sea of questions make life worth living. Every wound, broken bone, busted tooth, scraped knee or stumped toe are embedded in my memory. Even the worries of “where are you?”,“why didn’t you call?” SAT scores, college finals and flights across the ocean are etched within my soul. My heart beats for every child that has entered and exited my life. Children have made me, me.
I am the most comfortable in the midst of nature; I am enraptured by the setting sun upon the sea. I am enthralled by the sparkling light dancing on the ocean waves. I am drawn into the power of the crashing surf. I am aroused with the newness and freshness of spring. I am at peace and joyfully transformed with autumn’s falling leaves. I am nestled and calmed when the air is crisp and the mountains are covered with pure white snow. I am warmed inside and out by the rays of the summer sun. I am at ease when there is sand beneath my toes. I am transcended with the scent of the ocean breeze.
I am an encourager, my words are useless if they are not used to encourage or promote confidence. I love to see doubt and confusion transform into assurance and clarity! I feel complete delivering hope to a downtrodden soul. The day I was born, the doctor proclaimed, ”Coach you have got yourself another cheerleader!” I am living out those prophetic words! When tears are turned to laughter, when mourning turns to dancing, when sobbing turns to shouts of triumph - I am living life to the fullest!
I am a child of God, born with a purpose and filled with greatness. I am chosen and beloved. Am I perfect? No, but I am forgiven. I am no longer a slave to sin. I am a prisoner set free. I am God’s workmanship created for good works. I am special; I am the apple of my Father’s eye.
Have I arrived? No, everyday is a new beginning. Mercy and grace greet me every morning. I am not the same person I was yesterday, last year or three decades ago. I am a new creature. The old has passed away. I am being renewed daily. Beholding myself in a mirror of glory of the Lord, I am being transformed into His image, going from glory to glory. I am a daughter, a princess, an heiress in God’s Kingdom. Most importantly, me and Jesus, we be mates!
I am a communicator. I find this aspect of me ironically humorous. Due to the fact, that for most of my life, I have been misunderstood! This is one of those lies I paraded around. I am energized when God gives me inspiration. It is like a high-voltage electric charge zaps me! There are times I cannot scribe quick enough the wonders He reveals. In those moments, words explode on the page, I am bathed with satisfaction. “My heart overflows with a goodly theme; my tongue is like the pen
of a ready writer.”
I am a watchman on the wall; I vigilantly stand guard and look to the horizon. I watch. I pray. I don’t like confrontation, but I will protect those in my care at all costs. I will call out the enemy! I will sound the alarm, and give warning to those going astray. At times the night watch is grueling and long. With every sunset, you can rest assured that the light of day will break through the darkness of night.
“Nightwatchman! How long till daybreak? How long will this night last?” The night watchman calls back, “Morning’s coming...”
I am a trouble-shooter. Unfortunately, I graduated with honors from afore mentioned School of Hard Knocks! I do not want to continue my education by obtaining a master’s degree! Therefore, when I perceive trouble, I strive to eliminate it. Seriously, if at all possible I try to avoid life’s nuisances; I look for ways to offset potential problems. I do recognize I have lost some of my youthful spontaneity. I have toned down my risk-taking! I now prefer to be cautiously clever using common sense, not irresponsibly stupid using nonsense! At this point in life, I diligently count the costs of decisions. No more jumping out too fast, or backtracking! I never want to lose sight of where I am going. In my race of life, I want to run unencumbered and finish strong.
“Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this racewe’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!”
Who am I? There is more to me than meets the eye. I am a rose bud! A deeper, richer, more fragrant Cheryl is blooming and unfolding. A rose is not beautiful because it is like something else. A rose is beautiful in and of its self, yet is surrounded by bush of thorns. I am a rose among the thorns of my life.
“Truths and roses have thorns about them.” – Henry David Thoreau
I am waiting to meet the finalized version of me. But for now, I will enjoy the me that I am.
This is an excerpt from my new book: Exposed! The portion is from the chapter entitled, Self Exposure- The Real Me. I hope it has inspired you to travel down your road of self discovery. Remember we all have a story, a story worth telling.
Cheryl
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