Absent

If I am where I am suppose to be at any given time, my path will intersect with those I am destined to meet, or encounter.  I will be there to reach out to someone, or someone will be there to reach out to me.  If I am where I am expected in the scheme of my story, I will act, by engaging life; not merely exist.  If I am present at my appointed time, life will challenge me through conflict or connect me to its essence through a rare experience, or “aha” moment.   

My one fear in life is not being there, missing the moment, being tardy for a divine appointment. My mind spins and my heart pounds, thinking I might forsake another, by not being there. I fear being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Zigging, when I should have zagged.   Absent.  Nonexistent.  Vacant from life.   I don’t want to be standing on the shore, looking out to sea, and realize my ship set sail without me.   Good or bad, I want to be present in all of my moments.

I believe time can be our biggest foe, or our best friend.  Like it or not, time is a companion through our life’s journey.  We live daily.  The sun rises, the sun sets, calling it a day.  Time elapses.  Days yield to months, months comprise seasons, seasons unfold into years.  Years add up, their sum a lifetime.  Time becomes our greatest enemy when we race against it.  If we attempt to defy time, we fight a losing battle.  On the other hand, when used for our benefit and well-being, time can be a comforter, our greatest ally.   We can seize time, by making it ours. Or we can waste time, by letting it slip away unnoticed.  

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in." - Henry David Thoreau 

I am by nature, a scheduled, organized, properly ordered, sequential person, living, “Life by the book- my book!”  A number of years ago, I decided to embrace time as a faithful friend, instead of my antagonist.  (This was not an easy task, by the way!) By doing so, I no longer race against the hour glass; as the sands of time fall, I open up my hand and capture each tiny grain, each moment.  As a result, I am less fearful of “not being there,” because I am no longer hurried, or enslaved by my fear. 

Liberated, I enjoy time.  I use time, it doesn't use me.  I daily face my fear of absence, by allowing myself to be present in the moment.  I choose to be still, not scheduled.  I silence my restlessness by giving myself permission to get caught up in time:  getting lost in a thought, soaking up sunshine, gazing into nature,  being captivated by a good book, breathing in life, instead of gulping it down.  Recently, I sat for over an hour watching a tiny snowflakes dance outside my window.   Many might say, I wasted my time, au contraire.  By yielding time to a dancing snowflake, years of understanding were added to my life.

Today is a new day, full of once in a lifetime moments.  Don’t miss out on any of them. This is the day that the Lord has made, take the time, pause for a moment, and rejoice and be glad. After all, our times are in His hands.  I cherish Charles Spurgeon’s words; the “atmosphere of our existence” is in the hands of God. Forever present, never absent.  Amen.