Absent

If I am where I am suppose to be at any given time, my path will intersect with those I am destined to meet, or encounter.  I will be there to reach out to someone, or someone will be there to reach out to me.  If I am where I am expected in the scheme of my story, I will act, by engaging life; not merely exist.  If I am present at my appointed time, life will challenge me through conflict or connect me to its essence through a rare experience, or “aha” moment.   

My one fear in life is not being there, missing the moment, being tardy for a divine appointment. My mind spins and my heart pounds, thinking I might forsake another, by not being there. I fear being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Zigging, when I should have zagged.   Absent.  Nonexistent.  Vacant from life.   I don’t want to be standing on the shore, looking out to sea, and realize my ship set sail without me.   Good or bad, I want to be present in all of my moments.

I believe time can be our biggest foe, or our best friend.  Like it or not, time is a companion through our life’s journey.  We live daily.  The sun rises, the sun sets, calling it a day.  Time elapses.  Days yield to months, months comprise seasons, seasons unfold into years.  Years add up, their sum a lifetime.  Time becomes our greatest enemy when we race against it.  If we attempt to defy time, we fight a losing battle.  On the other hand, when used for our benefit and well-being, time can be a comforter, our greatest ally.   We can seize time, by making it ours. Or we can waste time, by letting it slip away unnoticed.  

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in." - Henry David Thoreau 

I am by nature, a scheduled, organized, properly ordered, sequential person, living, “Life by the book- my book!”  A number of years ago, I decided to embrace time as a faithful friend, instead of my antagonist.  (This was not an easy task, by the way!) By doing so, I no longer race against the hour glass; as the sands of time fall, I open up my hand and capture each tiny grain, each moment.  As a result, I am less fearful of “not being there,” because I am no longer hurried, or enslaved by my fear. 

Liberated, I enjoy time.  I use time, it doesn't use me.  I daily face my fear of absence, by allowing myself to be present in the moment.  I choose to be still, not scheduled.  I silence my restlessness by giving myself permission to get caught up in time:  getting lost in a thought, soaking up sunshine, gazing into nature,  being captivated by a good book, breathing in life, instead of gulping it down.  Recently, I sat for over an hour watching a tiny snowflakes dance outside my window.   Many might say, I wasted my time, au contraire.  By yielding time to a dancing snowflake, years of understanding were added to my life.

Today is a new day, full of once in a lifetime moments.  Don’t miss out on any of them. This is the day that the Lord has made, take the time, pause for a moment, and rejoice and be glad. After all, our times are in His hands.  I cherish Charles Spurgeon’s words; the “atmosphere of our existence” is in the hands of God. Forever present, never absent.  Amen. 

Random Thoughts about God, Life and Stuff

About a year ago I began writing down my random thoughts.  At times they are truly bizarre.  I amaze myself at the ideas and images that pop into my mind.  God truly reveals Himself to me in a unique fashion.  We truly have a one-on-one relationship. It is rare, certainly one of a kind, and there is no religiousness about it. He tells me secrets and I embrace them.  At times, I feel I can actually finish His sentences. God thinks about me, He thinks about you too!  When He and I talk, I ask Him what He is thinking about. What He is up too? And what are His plans concerning me? In these times... I get to be me, vulnerable and unashamed.     Yes, God and me... we be mates.

I am required to bring only one thing to our intimate rendezvous... stillness.  

God often speaks to me in the tub, or late, late at night. I have received profound revelation while ironing.  I have been stirred into deep contemplation while staring at the ocean. Countless divine dialogues have occurred in the evening with a glass of wine.  Some of my most dynamic inspirations have come through nature.  I totally get Ralph Waldo Emerson when he wrote,

 "Never lose an opportunity to see anything that is beautiful.  It is God's handwriting - a wayside sacrament."   

Yet, sometimes God's passion and the depth of His heart manifest when life is ugly, unfair and violent.  He desires me to feel His heartache. He wants me to listen to Him.

Just to give you a taste, here are today’s random thoughts:

Jesus defied the forces of nature when He walked across the water.  He walked as a man, not as a spirit. Although at first glance, his disciples thought He was a phantom upon the water.  Jesus always looks unreal, unrecognizable from a distance.  It is only up close, in his presence that His realness is revealed.

My random thoughts:  I wonder if Jesus feet got wet?  I am curious if He felt the pressure of the water as He reached in and grabbed Peter’s hand?  Lastly, did his clothing leave a puddle once He stepped on board the boat?   Contemplating the Divine...


Until next time,
Cheryl

Could This Little Bird...be Me?

See the little bird in the tree,

Hidden so masterfully.

Nestled, camouflaged delicately

Among the branches intricately.

Could this little bird...be me?

A silent statue on a limb

Shrouded, thus stoically dim.

Perched, yet poetically prim

A faint, fluttering rhythm.

Resolute, what stirs him?

Could this little bird... be me?

Change of posture, a sound slight

Suddenly, the bird takes flight.

A secret signal, soaring to the heights

The horizon lures his keen eyesight.

Flying higher, higher without fright

Sweet liberty, glorious delight

Could this little bird... be me?

Is there a height to high?

Is there a song, a shrieking cry?

A melodious lullaby?

Could I soar, attempt to fly?

Are there dreams beyond my eye?

My heart and soul, softly sigh.

Could this little bird... be me?

Dedicated to my children:  Christopher, Erica, Daphne and Natalie.

More ... but Most of All

I want to cry, but I want to laugh more,

But, most of all I want the heart of Jesus.

I want to engage in battle, but I want the victory more,

But, most of all I want to be a warrior commanded by Jesus.

I want to journey, but I want adventure more,

But, most of all I want to be where Jesus has placed me.

I want understanding, but I want wisdom more,

But, most of all I want to obtain the mind of Jesus Christ.

I want life, but I want to really live more,

But, most of all I want eternity with Jesus Christ.

I want a voice, but I want to be listen more,

But, most of all I want to hear the silent whispers of God.

I want to be fearless, but I want faith more,

But, most of all I want the assurance found only in Jesus Christ.

I want to pursue happiness, but I want joy more,

But, most of all I want to exalt the Savior of my soul.

I want to see, but I want to observe more,

But, most of all I want to gaze into the revealing eyes of Jesus.

I want to climb, but I want to fly more,

But, most of all I want to mount up on wings of eagles and soar.

I want to be free, but I want to unshackle the world more,

But, most of all I want to be a bond servant to My Lord and Master, Jesus. 

I want justice, but I want righteousness more,

But, most of all I want redemption through the blood of Jesus Christ.

I want companionship, but I want to be a friend more,

But, most of all I want an intimate relationship with Jesus.  

I want to be me, but I want to surrender all of me more,

But, most of all I want Emanuel, Christ in me and through me.

I want hope, but I want to expect more,

But, most of all I want to wait patiently on the Lord.

I want to dream, but I want to believe more,

But, most of all I want to be found trustworthy by God the Father.

I want to be seen, but I want to be hidden more,

But, most of all, I want to be sheltered under the wings of the Almighty.

I want to move, but I want to “be still and know” more,

But, most of all I want to be found resting at the feet of Jesus.

I want to taste, but I want feel more,

But, most of all I want to see through the eyes of Jesus.

I want to run, but I want to finish the race of life more,

But, most of all I want hear “well done my good and faithful servant.”

I want to tell a story, but I want to be an epic tale more,

But, most of all I want my life to be written by the Author, Jesus Christ.

I want to be here, but I want to be there more,

But, most of all I want to be present in His Presence.

There are countless wants, and seas of endless mores

But, most of all there’s  ...  Jesus.

Winter's Bend

As I sit, deep in thought, I stare out the window.  The sky is cloudy; the ground has patches of snow leftovers from the last winter storm. The grass is stretching, and peeking through the white icy crust.   The peaks of the nearby roofs are covered in a white thick blanket.  As I focus, and begin to keenly look, I see one isolated little snow flake fall, it seems very lonely as it gently floats down.  Then I gaze a little longer, I see yet another tiny flake flurrying in the air.  I realize this is very similar to life at times.  We often feel very lonely and isolated in the world. Sometimes we feel we are one lone flurrying flake. But if we give life a chance we will realize that we are not alone. 

The truth is, we gently fall into our explicit defined places, and we gather and unite, softly dusting our surroundings.  In time, more and more will congregate; soon the land will be completely covered.  Nestled under this layer of glistening goodness, the earth is resting, preparing to give life once again.  Just around the winter’s bend, the sun will shine, the wind will blow. There will be a thaw, a melting.  The earth will be watered.  Winter will end; spring is just around the corner, something special waits for us, at the winter’s bend.

The scripture tells us, that God gives to the earth snow like a blanket of wool; He scatters the hoarfrost [frozen dew] like ashes.  He casts forth His ice like crumbs; who can stand before His cold? He sends out His word, and melts the ice and snow; He causes His wind to blow and the waters to flow (Psalm 147: 16-18).

“ I prefer winter and Fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape — the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show.”  ~Andrew Wyeth

Untold stories are the souls of mankind that are covered with frost and ice, yet God promises a defrosting.  This thawing will melt away heartache, shame, sin, doubt, despair and brokenness. This thaw will give way to wonderful stories full of epic characters, conquering insurmountable conflicts, etched upon the canvass life.

 “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:10-11).

God sent for His Word, and the Word is God Himself and His Word brings forth life.  Jesus thaws the frozen land, He melts the frigid heart.  He speaks life into death; He chisels away at the cold hardened heart.  He looks at His Father’s creation, and does not see frozen tundra; He does not see a wasteland.  He sees a world worth saving, a people worth dying for.  Jesus was sent into the world to bring salvation.  Jesus came into the world so that we could be delivered from the harshness of the world, that we could be protected from the world’s stinging, bitter frost.  Jesus came to the world, that it would be made safe and sound through Him. He stretched out His life, opened His arms, and He shrouded our sins with His blood and His blood washes us whiter that snow. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool” (Isaiah 1:18). Knowing this makes my soul rejoice, my spirit spring to life and sets my mind to rest.

Soon, yes very soon the snow covered land will bring forth fruit, all those seeds that have lain dormant, will spring to life. The fields are filled with winter wheat. The harvest will be plentiful!  The vine will be filled with abundant fruit, flowers will bring forth divine fragrance, and herbs will savor the sullen, taste will be awakened and bud in delight. “O taste and see that the Lord our God is good” (Psalm 34:8).  He has made everything beautiful in its time; He has planted life and purpose within our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3: 11).

Look ahead; see the curve that is before you, it is the winter’s bend.  Before long, you will be able to declare, “Winter is past, spring has sprung!” 

Legacy

What does bananas, cantaloupe, Hershey’s Mr. Goodbars, homemade ice cream, pink things, daiquiris’ in the barn, over salted brownies, Kraft macaroni and cheese topped with Pace Picante sauce and spud nuts have in common? 

What does sudsy, slippery, cold water fun, diving to the drain and Marco Polo imply? What is the combining force behind sleeping in the car because I missed curfew, clothes-lining myself- literally- I had a giant-sized, hickey looking bruise across my neck for weeks, and determining whether you have the mumps by drinking pickle juice. 

Why does macramé, playing cards to see who washes the dishes, Polly Ana, competing in a race to shell peas and snap green beans, and piano sing-a-longs, say” I love you”?

What does feet too small to fit in water skies, rodeos, bowling league tournaments, and miniature golf suggest? How do German shepherd dogs, rattlesnakes, planting seasonal bulbs, moving pipe, the north forty and flipping a three-wheeled ATV relate?

What does scavenger hunting in country abandoned homes and buying out a small Texas town’s entire supply of” pink things” and The Red Rooster indicate?

Why does the thought of Thanksgiving, cotton harvest, frosty Christmas mornings, tumble weeds made into snowmen, whiskey for cough syrup, and countless hours traveling up and down the same road make me smile?

I might have a few of you bewildered with terms like pink things, spud nuts and red roosters.  “Pink things” were a type of frozen treat similar to a Popsicle, but way better. As a child, my cousins and I bellowed “Pink Thing, you make my heart sing...” to the tune of the ever popular hit- Wild Thing. “Spud nuts”, not to be confused with "sputnik", are donuts made of potato flour, these light and airy glazed pastry circles were always a special morning delight.  Oh, and the Red Rooster  was a quaint little drive in restaurant, not more than a shack really, with a red rooster on top.  It was usually my family’s first stop on the way into Brownfield from Amarillo. Regardless of appearance, they had the best hamburger in the basket.

I am sure some of you are curious regarding daiquiris in the barn, but I promised to keep that secret to my grave! And whiskey for cough syrup, what can I say, it was truly for medicinal purposes. I was a sickly child; I came down with a case of tonsillitis one Christmas.  Needless-to- say, I had the family chuckling as I staggered down the hallway that Christmas Eve- one too many hot totties, I suppose.

The answers to these questions are found held within my childhood memories. My cousins and I had such fun as kids spending our summers in the pool, celebrating the holidays and vacationing together. Oh yes, and we got into our share of mischief- cruising the streets of Brownfield and in various bowling alleys across the great state of Texas.  The night we slept in the car, we were past curfew and Missy, the German shepherd, knew it.  She would not let us out of the car! Yes, we learned our lesson and were never late again. Missy took being watch dog to a whole new level; she was more like “mistress of the manor”!   Oh dear, now I can't remember if was Missy or Lady, who kept us trapped in the car... so many great German shepherds and age is fogging up my memory. I do know that it was Bo-bo, who stood guard and frantically raced around the pool, every time all of us where in it. We made that dog so anxious!

All of the above questions can be answered with one person - my Aunt Ellen.  She is the one common thread weaved throughout all of these what? why? and how? questions. She made my childhood so memorable; she turned chores into games, sickness into a comedy, and West Texas country living into a grand adventure. My aunt was a bit rough around the edges, she had a raspy voice from years of smoking, but held within her stern correction, was a sincere twinkle in her eye.  Her life experiences created such a rare and priceless wisdom. She imparted her knowledge with the perfect blend of hilarity mixed with reality and always topped off with truth- shaken not stirred. She had a way of shaking you up, then gently pouring out her nurturing tonic upon you.  At our family gatherings, oh the stories she and her sisters would tell.  

Thank you my wonderful  dear Aunt Ellen, you are an enduring legacy, you left a lasting imprint my childhood.

The Allurement of a Smile...

A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells
people you're at home.  ~Author Unknown

There is insurmountable beauty held within a smile. When I see someone smile, I cannot help but wonder, what well of joy is hidden inside?  I get an urge to draw near and soak up the goodness around them, to stand in the shadow of their happiness.  I am puzzled, where does their joy come from?  Have they received good news?  Do they hold a precious secret?  What gave them liberty, that resulted in a smile? 

 The teeth are smiling, but is the heart? ~African Proverb
 I have met a few people in my life who always smile.  I have often wondered if their face is just shaped that way, you know a permanent, somewhat manufactured glued- on smile?  It is like the face is frozen, more like a “snile”, instead of a smile.  I will explain, to say smile, you must close your mouth; your lips contact each other in forming the word.  But, in saying, “snile”, your mouth is open, your lips apart, teeth touching, in a frozen position.  Go ahead, try it!    I love bashful naïve smiles that reflect silent giggling innocence. The carefree toothless smiles are the best. I am intrigued by the "I'm so happy full-face smile", where the smile captures the entire face causing the eyes to squint. I am captivated by the wide-eyed smile of wonder.   But a fake smirk, I can live without! And a sinister grin, well that is just downright scary!  What about the hand over the mouth smile, what's up with that?

Alright, so I analyze smiles.  I ponder and ask these questions because I find it a difficult task to smile. My face does not fill the shape of a smile easily.  There must be something unique and wonderfully special to set my heart to laughter and bring forth a smile. Please, don’t get me wrong, I love to laugh! It is a magical liberation, a glorious emancipation of self.    

I think my eyes are my, tell “tale”, they reveal my story held within.  They shine as the morning sun, when I am truly joyful. They tear when I am moved by awe.  At times, they are held downcast refusing to look at sorrow and deception. They twinkle when I am feeling ornery or excited.   They appear distant when I am deep in thought.  They dilate when I am curious.  They are heavy when I am tired and weary. They are focused when discerning the written word. 

Therefore, after I am lured by a smile, I look to the eyes of the gleaming face.... and I wonder, “What is your story, what treasures are hidden within”.  

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